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AA's JOKE OF THE DAY please add to daily.

Arcade King

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Shazza walks into the kitchen and finds Bruce with a fly swatter.
"Waddaya doin?" She asked.
"Huntin Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Kill any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 blokes, 2 sheilas," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How'd ya know that?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

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One night a man walked into a bar with an alligator.

He stood up on the counter and announced, "If i stick my cock and balls into this gators mouth, let the gator shut his jaws and pull them out without a scratch on 'em you'll all buy me a drink."

The crowed looked up at the man and nodded with glee.

So the man whipped out his cock and balls and stuck them in the gators mouth then shut the gators jaws.

A few moments later he hit it on the head with a beer bottle and the gators mouth flung open, he pulled his genitalia out without a scratch.

As he was collecting his first free drink he looked to the crowed and asked if anybody would like to try.

A hush blew over the crowed.

All of a sudden a hand shot up in the back. "I would," said the blonde lady, "if you promise not to hit me on the head with a beer bottle."

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  • 1 month later...

Paddy was sat at the bar when his friend Mick came in on crutches with two black eyes.

Paddy asked "What happened to you Mick?"

Mick replied "I got into a fight with Murphy"

Paddy said "But Murphy's only a wee fella. He must have had something in his hand to beat you up this bad"

Mick said "He did. A shovel"

Paddy said "Well why didn't you have something in your hand"

Mick said "I did. It was Mrs Murphy's left breast. And while it is a thing of great beauty it was totally useless in a fight

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This woman was lonely as Thanksgiving was approaching. She didn’t want to celebrate alone and fancied a bit of adventure, so she posted an ad in the local newspaper that read: “Looking for man to share Thanksgiving with these qualifications: Won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, is great in bed.”

She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but none of the men who called took her fancy.

Then one day her doorbell rang. When she opened the door, there was a man there with no arms and no legs.

He said, “Hi, I’m Bob. I have no arms so I won’t beat you up and no legs so I won’t run away.”

So the woman asked, “What makes you think you’re great in bed?”

Bob replied, “I rang the door bell, didn’t I?”

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In honour of Douglas Adams Towel Day.

A quote from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.

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How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?




He just needs to hold it up, and the whole world revolves around him! 

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