AA's JOKE OF THE DAY please add to daily.

[Cruiser]

[Cruiser]

[Cruiser]

[Gemini2544]

[Cruiser]

Ma and Pa were two old hillbillies living out on a farm up in the hills.

Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full.

He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn’t know what to do to empty the hole.

Ma says, “Why don’t you go ask the young’n down the road? He must be smart ’cause he’s a college gradjyate.”

So Pa drives down to the neighbour’s house and asks him, “Mr. College gradjyate, my outhouse hole is full, and I don’t know what to do to empty it.”

The young’n tells him, “Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it’s in the air the second one will then go off and spread the poop all across your farm, fertilising your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole.”

Pa thanks the neighbor, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse.

He goes home and puts them under the outhouse.

He then lights them and runs behind a tree.

All of a sudden, Ma comes running out of the house and into the outhouse! Off goes the first stick of dynamite, shooting the outhouse into the air.

BOOM! Off goes the second stick of dynamite, spreading poop all over the farm.

Then, WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole.

Pa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and asks, “Ma, are you all right?”

As she pulls up her panties she says, “Yeah, but I’m sure glad I didn’t fart in the kitchen!” 😂

[Cruiser]

[Gemini2544]

[Cruiser]

"Tale Of Two Twins"

Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat. It so happened that John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank.

A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John.

She said, 'I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible.'

Joe, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, 'Heck no, in fact, is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle.'

The old lady fainted.

[Gemini2544]

[Cruiser]

[Cruiser]

Once upon a time, there was a king who wanted to go fishing.

He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired about the weather forecast for the next few hours.

The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days.

So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen. On the way, he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area".

The king was polite and considerate, he replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional, and I pay him very high wages.

He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way." So they did.

However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition. Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the weatherman at once! Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high-paying role of royal forecaster.

The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtained my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain." So instead, the King hired the donkey on the spot.

Thus began the ancient-old practice of hiring asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions. 🤣😂

[Cruiser]

[Cruiser]

[Cruiser]

[Cruiser]

A biker walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.

The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be called for him?

The biker is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door. A few minutes later, the same biker stumbles in the SIDE door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink.

The bartender comes over and, still politely - but more firmly, refuses service to the man due to his inebriation, and again offers to call a cab.

The biker looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.

A few minutes later, he bursts in through the BACK door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink.

The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.

The surprised biker looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries "MAAAN! How many bars do you work at?!!?

[Cruiser]

[Cruiser]

[Cruiser]

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden, moping. God asked him, "What is wrong with you?" Adam replied that he was lonely and didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.

Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Adam thought a moment and asked, "What can I get for a rib?

[Gemini2544]

[cwispy]

A lady goes to visit her doctor for a breast exam.

Doctor: Maam, do mind if a student observes your breast exam?

Lady: No doctor, not at all.

Doctor: Great, he is a geography student, and he has never seen boobs before!

[oldhank]

Um

[Cruiser]

[Cruiser]

Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer."

The other replies, "That's crazy, You don't know anything about no lion taming."

"Yes, I do!"

"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"

"Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down."

"Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"

"Well, then I take that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down."

"Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?"

"Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him."

"Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?"

"Well, then I pick up some of the shit that's on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of the cage."

"Well, what if there ain't no shit in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?"

"Well, that's dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun doesn't work, there's going to be some shit on the bottom of that cage, you can bet on that."🤣

[Cruiser]

[AskJacob]

Did you hear about the three nuns taking a shortcut though the park last night... when a man in a heavy overcoat jumped out and flashed them?

 

Two had a stroke.,.. but the third couldn't reach