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Ruok?


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after suffering from mental illness last year, this topic is really close to my heart.

 

One little question can make a big difference to people who are struggling with life.

 

R U OK? Day is on Thursday 13th September – a national day of action and a reminder to regularly check in with family, friends and workmates. I encourage you to take time out either on the day or sometime during the week to call someone, have coffee with them and to just listen, to see that they are OK.

 

R U OK? is a national suicide prevention charity, focused on inspiring people to take the time to ask "are you ok?".

 

By asking this question, and listening without judgment, we can help people who are struggling with life to feel connected long before they even think about suicide. It all comes down to regular, face-to-face, meaningful conversations about life. And asking “are you ok?” is a great place to start.

 

You don’t need to be an expert to start a conversation with a workmate. You just need to listen without judgment.

 

How do you start a conversation?

· To help someone open up, find a time and place that works for you both

· Make sure you’re in a good headspace, so you’re not distracted or stressed

· Ask them “are you ok?” or “how you going?”

· If a mate or loved one brushes off your concerns, don’t be afraid to dig a little deeper

 

What happens if they’re not ok?

· Take what they say seriously and don't interrupt or rush the conversation.

· Don’t judge their experiences or reactions but acknowledge that things seem tough for them.

· Encourage them to explain: ‘How are you feeling about that?’ or ‘How long have you felt that way?’

 

Don’t try and ‘fix’ their problem but instead help them to brainstorm ideas to better manage the situation:

· ‘What have you done in the past that’s been helpful?’

· ‘How would you like me to support you?’

· ‘What’s something you can do for yourself right now? Something that’s enjoyable or relaxing?’

 

Stay in touch and be there for them. Genuine care and concern can make a real difference.

 

Visit http://www.ruok.org.au for more tips on how to start a conversation. If you really want to make a difference, R U OK need your help to champion the message in your workplace, school and community. You don't have to do it alone because they have some amazing resources you can use.

Edited by illawarra_steelers
updated date 2018
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Good post steelers!

 

In a situation where someone appears to be complaining it can be a challenge to understand what is truly going on with that person. It might seem like they just need to harden up.

 

I think that when someone is telling you how they feel, the important thing is to understand that, no matter how much their rationalisation might not make sense or seem unrealistic, for that person those feelings are real.

 

As a mate, you are not there to try and judge if those rationalisations make sense, but to be em-pathetically supportive. Accepting and understanding a persons emotional state can help you understand their behaviour, and that is the beginning of the journey to moving on.

 

Forget about the past, and the reasons why. It's about what we can do now to move ahead.

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I have a friend who is currently going through a rough patch

I an trying to be a good friend, it is mainly about listening, talking about the issues.

I believe I am helping

 

Listening is really the key Pete, so yes you would be helping and sometimes more than you know.

 

Sometimes that all we need, just to be able to down load a little and see that other people are sometimes suffering the same. Makes it not so hopeless if we don't feel alone or somehow strange because we feel a certain way.

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  • 1 year later...
  • 11 months later...
  • 11 months later...

I went and took the first step to bettering my mental health last week. Spoke to a counsellor and then visited a GP to get a full checkup and a bloodtest. Next week, I will be going back to the doc to start a mental health plan. I have been struggling for years, particularly with drinking. For the last 3 weeks I have completely cut out weeknight drinking, going from anywhere between 3-6 beers every night to nothing between Sunday-Thursday. It's been tough, but it's making a difference and is giving me a goal to work towards. It also means that on Friday and Saturday night, relaxing with a few beers has a bit more of a special meaning. I hit a point this year where I was so burnt out from work and kids that my pinball and arcade hobbies didn't even make me happy anymore. I knew something was wrong when the only thing that kept me sane was beer.

 

Take it from me, do not leave it too late. If you're struggling, seek help. I've got a long way to go, but seeking help was the first step and it took me far too long to do that.

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I went and took the first step to bettering my mental health last week. Spoke to a counsellor and then visited a GP to get a full checkup and a bloodtest. Next week, I will be going back to the doc to start a mental health plan. I have been struggling for years, particularly with drinking. For the last 3 weeks I have completely cut out weeknight drinking, going from anywhere between 3-6 beers every night to nothing between Sunday-Thursday. It's been tough, but it's making a difference and is giving me a goal to work towards. It also means that on Friday and Saturday night, relaxing with a few beers has a bit more of a special meaning. I hit a point this year where I was so burnt out from work and kids that my pinball and arcade hobbies didn't even make me happy anymore. I knew something was wrong when the only thing that kept me sane was beer.

 

Take it from me, do not leave it too late. If you're struggling, seek help. I've got a long way to go, but seeking help was the first step and it took me far too long to do that.

 

Sounds all too familiar mate. I got to a point where I'd walk aimlessly for hours in the middle of the night. All good now, but it's hard to see a good point when you get so bad. It's worth it though.

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I went and took the first step to bettering my mental health last week. Spoke to a counsellor and then visited a GP to get a full checkup and a bloodtest. Next week, I will be going back to the doc to start a mental health plan. I have been struggling for years, particularly with drinking. For the last 3 weeks I have completely cut out weeknight drinking, going from anywhere between 3-6 beers every night to nothing between Sunday-Thursday. It's been tough, but it's making a difference and is giving me a goal to work towards. It also means that on Friday and Saturday night, relaxing with a few beers has a bit more of a special meaning. I hit a point this year where I was so burnt out from work and kids that my pinball and arcade hobbies didn't even make me happy anymore. I knew something was wrong when the only thing that kept me sane was beer.

 

Take it from me, do not leave it too late. If you're struggling, seek help. I've got a long way to go, but seeking help was the first step and it took me far too long to do that.

 

this hit home, thank you for posting

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Whilst I like the idea of RUOk day, I think it needs be be more like RUOk year every year. There also needs to be a little more focus on what to do when someone says "no, I'm not ok". Here's a chart that's a useful start:

 

RUOK.png?format=1500w

 

https://www.projectrockit.com.au/blog/2018/9/12/ruok-what-can-i-do-when-the-answer-is-no

 

Just noticed the link at the bottom of this post is now incorrect. This is the article I linked to originally: https://www.projectrockit.com.au/ruok-what-do-i-do-when-the-answer-is-no/

 

And thanks @DAG for highlighting that I said exactly the same thing last year. Good to know my material is still fresh. :D

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this hit home, thank you for posting

 

Mate, if it helps, I am happy to have posted. I am one of those classic Aussie guys who doesn't have feelings and sure as shit doesn't talk about them to others. Pretty sure I have literally never had a conversation about emotions with my dad in my entire life and I am 37.

 

I am only just now realising how totally unhealthy that is and how I had been self-medicating myself with alcohol as a means of drowning out emotions that I really should have been dealing with in a more mature way. It's led to me reaching a point in my life where I have realised I haven't been happy in years.

 

Don't be like me.

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Mate, I get it entirely....

Been there a few times and as per most I didn't even know WTF was going on in life....

I rarely get much chat from Dad especially in regards to feelings.

As you know I have a few years on you but the whole Dad relationship can be extremely hard. I think in my case that Dad was never brought up to express feelings. In my opinion this case has more to do with timing and circumstance. He and his brother and sister, mother & Father left Europe and headed to Australia with most of their friends victims of the war. Most deceased. These things were never talked about. Dad also never talks about Vietnam. I make sure I tell my Kids that I love them and at 14, 18 & 20 I get awesome responses. I tell Dad the same thing and he struggles. Different upbringings and circumstances have different outcomes, but in our cases we need to make a change and talk things out. Sometimes even talk shite about our problems or concerns. There is no need to do it alone. But as you have stated don't waste time doing something about it. Even if that means saying. Hey bud, your shout, lets have a chat. Doesn't even need to be about your feelings. Interaction is the first step. It is far more common than we all think, this problem regarding being OK.

Never be afraid to ask or speak out. It's not like the old saying. Better to be thought of as a dill than to open one's mouth and reveal all doubt.

Speak up....The decent people in life will listen....

See you at houseball soon?

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Mate, if it helps, I am happy to have posted. I am one of those classic Aussie guys who doesn't have feelings and sure as shit doesn't talk about them to others. Pretty sure I have literally never had a conversation about emotions with my dad in my entire life and I am 37.

 

I am only just now realising how totally unhealthy that is and how I had been self-medicating myself with alcohol as a means of drowning out emotions that I really should have been dealing with in a more mature way. It's led to me reaching a point in my life where I have realised I haven't been happy in years.

 

Don't be like me.

 

I'm quite different, very open to talking about depression/emotion, a very supporting shrink as a father, but still, even with that can find myself in the rut you have posted. When in reality you are very lucky to have the life you do, yet you are unable to find peace or happiness. Your advice is very sound, and I am very sure there are plenty of others out there that have the same and just need to make the first jump/step.

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