Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

AA's JOKE OF THE DAY please add to daily.

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • The New Priest
    The new priest was so nervous at his first mass, he could hardly speak. Before his second appearance in the pulpit he asked the monsignor how he could relax. The Monsignor said, "Next Sunday, it may help if you put some vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips, everything should go smoothly." The next Sunday the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm. He felt great,However, upon returning to the rectory, he found a note from the monsignor. It read:
    1. Next time, sip rather than gulp.
    2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
    3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
    4. We do not refer to the cross as the big "T�
    5. The recommended grace before meals is not " rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."
    6. Do not refer to our savior, Jesus Christ and his apostles as "J.C. and The boys".
    7. David slew Goliath. He did not kick the shit out of him."
    8. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are never referred to as"Big Daddy, Junior and, The Spook".
    9. It is always the Virgin Mary, never "Mary with the Cherry".
    10. Last, but not least, next Wednesday there will be a taffy pulling contest as St. Peters.There will not be a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy�s.
    11. Jesus was Consecrated, NOT constipated.
    12. Jesus said,"Take this and eat it, for it is my body, "he did not say, "Eat me."
    13. Jacob wagered his donkey, he didn�t "beat his ass." David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, he wasn�t "stoned off his ass."

    Comment


    • Funnest joke ever...Or Bullshit.

      https://nypost.com/2020/03/17/chinas...laming-the-us/
      Gemini2544's 4th Pinball meet Saturday 21/03/2020

      Comment


      • Good one
        Attached Files
        live between the flip and the tilt

        Comment


        • https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5zbkAgdMobw
          live between the flip and the tilt

          Comment


          • At a Conference on Paranormal Events, the speaker asks the audience: "How many of you believe in ghosts?" Nearly all the hands go up. "How many have actually seen a ghost?" About half the hands stay up. "How many of you have talked to a ghost?" Maybe a third of the hands still up now. "And how many have gotten to know a ghost over the course of repeated visits?" At this point there are still about a half-dozen hands. "OK, and has anybody here ever had... sexual relations... with a ghost?" Now only one guy has his hand up. The speaker says, "Sir, would you be willing to share with us how it happened? I mean, how you came to, you know, have sex with a ghost?" And the guy says, "Oh, ghost?
            I thought you said goat."

            Comment


            • Good one
              Attached Files
              live between the flip and the tilt

              Comment


              • A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are sitting around talking about their kids. The brunette says, “I found cigarettes in my daughter’s room, and I didn’t know she smoked.” The redhead replies, “I found liquor in my daughter’s room, and I didn’t know she drank.” The blonde chuckles and says, “That’s nothing. I found condoms in my daughter’s room, and I didn’t know she had a d**k!”

                🤣

                Comment


                • National press statement from Magpies Australia

                  Faced with the possibility that the streets will still be bare of people in September, Australia’s magpies have reluctantly pushed back the swooping season to December.

                  “What’s the point of swooping season if there’s no-one to swoop down on but a couple of posties, ginger cats and the odd weirdo scurrying home from the shops with a plastic bag full of toilet rolls,” sighed Tommy Rawkdonikis, CEO of Magpies Australia. “The only alternative is to conduct the whole season behind closed doors with some shop mannequins set up in a field somewhere.”

                  “September is still six months away but people don’t understand the amount of preparation that goes into a successful swooping season,” lamented Lidcombe magpie Arthur Squawkins. “There’s big tall trees to be scouted out, busy parks to be allocated and beaks to be sharpened.”

                  Some magpies fear a return to the war years where so many Australians were fighting overseas that the streets were nearly empty, leading to ugly scenes where five or six magpies were forced to swoop the same postman.

                  “December is not an ideal time to hold the swooping season because it’s right in the middle of summer, which means there’s a plastic ice cream container in every fridge,” warned Ashfield magpie Les Bird. “On the plus side, people get shorter haircuts in hot weather, which means better access to ears.”

                  Magpies Australia.

                  Comment


                  • https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NYTx07uHmmc
                    live between the flip and the tilt

                    Comment


                    • Had this sent to me yesterday.

                      This is Toby working from home

                      wilson.jpg

                      Comment


                      • live between the flip and the tilt

                        Comment

                        Users Viewing Topic: 1 members and 1 (guests)
                        Working...
                        X